i hold on to your words cos talk is cheap.

wow finally getting back into blogger.
ive been using lj for far too long, this is getting weird haha.

anyway im in a freaken dilemma because ive been offered a job
with my ridiculous resume that i submitted.
and i found a better job which pays me a nice 2digit pay per hour.
im definitely trying to get that. but it starts in jan and it'll mean ill be rotting for dec.
not that i would mind, i'd love to get up lateee all day.

i just need to find a fucking excuse to tell the other company that i don't want the admin job.
damn my brain needs to come up with a good excuse.

chiak should get me a tuition job for decemberrrrrrr.
and my life will be all good then.

DAMN NOW I NEED TO FIND MY OLEVEL CERT.

(edit)
HAHA WHAT THE FUCK. 9th july post -

Such a masquerade party. It would suck if that was the theme for this year’s prom. I wouldn’t want to hide beneath the mask that I’m already putting on.

ima pretend i didnt not say that shit and i'm going to hella enjoy myself during prom. oh yeah.

i pretty much typed what i had to on national day and left the blog alone until today. and the only reason im blogging is because i read back what i wrote and i realised i wrote "...i hate how because of my own values i end up hating people around him."

i don't quite remember who the him is, but if it's him i referred to the other day in my sub-concious mind, then bloody hell it just goes to show how much my life revolves around him.

although i remember clearly that i wanted to write "... around me."

i dont know why im typing this btw.

people really do change quite fast. i've mentioned this quite a few times, and i can't help but to just keep believing in it and hoping for it to come quick. i can't wait for school to officially end, where i can just walk away from everyone and begin new, begin being quite alive. those people i knew from primary school, from secondary school - all changed. for the better, or not.

i guess i cannot blame anyone for me not liking change. i really can't wait to walk away and stop pretending everything is just the same. you meet new people, your perceptions change, you don't hold on to the values you once believed in. no one stays quite the same, they all change somehow but i just can't adapt to it.

oh hell, jc life was fun. it was havoc and wild but it's not quite my way of life. like the other day, san and i were talking during sastera and i told him i wanted to get back to primary school. heck those times were the best. there wasn't a worry on my mind, at all.

i hate lying to myself, telling myself it'll all fall in place soon, back to square one where all was fine and dandy. fuck shit, i hate changes and i hate how because of my own values i end up hating people around him.

i try so hard, so much. i quoted this off somewhere.

"when one person tries so hard, the other person's effort seem subtle no matter how much effort he puts in. so the relationship dies when the person who tries too hard decides its too tiring for her."

that is so true. i feel like crying and caving in. why is it that everytime i sit down and think everything is okay, it just comes up all over again?

i'm counting down to the days i say goodbye to all of this.

i didn't plan on updating but i thought this deserves a post on its own.
bloody hell, i've learnt something valuable today. never ever upload your personal photos up on your photobucket which is accessible by all.
that move of mine resulted in shameless, sungguh tak perlu photos of mine springing up in the mcs video every few second. hell, i was embarassed like shit.
it didnt help that the bani was going " lagiiii.." every time my face came up.

okay. shit i miss dikir already. i walked down the stairs to mlep room and said to izza "that marked the end of my dikir". i love dayah.

shopping online makes me depressed. lovely lovely clothes for a price that isn't that cheap. i know by the time i end this post, i would have ordered something online.

love guru tmr and pizza hut friday. my money is going up in the skies.

i'm almost never subtle with my words nor actions nor feelings. so most of the time -- what you see is what you get.

damn i miss that boy that i used to like. i miss the boy that i once knewwww. maaaaaaak, if only he wasnt so bloody irritating, he'll be a perfect candidate for a boyf. ALAH I WANT THE NICE BOY BACK LA. i think that slight fall for him was one of the best feelingsssss in jc. then when i fell out of it, life became so boring HAHAHAHAH.

best best best feeling. i like you, boy. i only wish you were that boy i knew some months ago.

taken from 7/7.

I can’t blog right now cos the stupid connection decided to play a fool today so I shall type this in MsWords first and transfer later.

I hate the number 7 to begin it – apart from David Villa having that number, I hate 7 as a whole. I despise late night talks, cos I end up very disturbed and emotional. I despise people who don’t respond to my msg. Apart from the occasional messages of mine which were redundant, I despise whoever who don’t respond to my non-redundant messages. I hate how easily I get affected and I hate how I’m letting minor things affect me. I hate how I don’t share my misery with people but end up making them miserable due to my misery. I hate how I’m not myself anymore, how much of a façade I’ve become.

Such a masquerade party. It would suck if that was the theme for this year’s prom. I wouldn’t want to hide beneath the mask that I’m already putting on.

It sucks how I’m finally on the verge of giving up after such a small small action by you. If I were to reason with myself, I would pretty much find myself petty and stupid. But the mind and heart are complete opposites, aren’t they? They are technically enemies, being complete bitches with each other. Ah fuck.

----

I hate that smile in the eye that you had. You know what? I don't think I can trust you anymore.

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nor liyana mohd khalis.

i'm always in love with pretty boys. like as if i don't learn from experience, i always give in to sweet words. and i never learn from the past. i'm vulnerable to hurt, but i'd like to believe i'm stronger than i seem.

jauh di dasar hatiku, aku tahu aku masih kasihimu dan menyintaimu. namun kau sudah berpunya, kau sudah bercinta. disini kita berakhir, tergantung segala cerita dan kisah lama.

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an arsenal jersey please.
to watch a play.

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layout: lyricaltragedy
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